Mirrors and attention

The Conversation is the Relationship

I find that Fierce surfaces and presents itself to me in many ways – over the past few weeks it has been Idea number 2 “ The Conversation is the relationship”.  There are a few personal ‘issues’ (lets call them!) that are niggling at me – I keep trying to brush them under the carpet but I know that isn’t helping, in fact its making them worse.

Mirror Neurons

Then in a quiet moment, I read a book by Dr Daniel J Siegel and Dr Tina Payne Bryson called ‘The Whole Brain Child’. It’s a fabulous book which explains how a child’s brain is wired, it’s practical and can also be talked about with the child which has been useful for my 11 year old and me.  I was reading about mirror neurons and how this recent discovery from the 1990s explains why we yawn when someone else does.

The neurons fire when we observe someone doing something intentionally that we recognise, as though we are doing the thing ourselves. These neurons may be at the root of empathy. Siegel and Bryson point out that these discoveries show how the brain is designed as a social organ. “Every discussion, argument, joke, or hug we share with someone literally alters our brain and that of the other person. After a powerful conversation or time spent with an important person in our life, we have a different brain.”

How much attention?

Big lightbulb – I need a different brain. I need to get on with the ‘issues’ and do some brain altering. Susan Scott, writer of Fierce Conversations, helps me get on with it when she says about Idea Number 2 “ What words and what level of attention do you wish to bring to your conversations with the people most important to you?”

The answer is a lot of attention – stop spending time avoiding the lump under the carpet and get on with it. Thankyou – I’m on it.