Becoming conscious about the power of conversations……by Nicole Fowles

 

 Engaged in a conversation

I have just come in from walking in the snow and being engaged in a conversation with a very old friend. Immediately, I am compelled to write this short reflection about my connection to the conscious power of conversations.

I reflect on content

During my talk with Cheryl, we talked about all sorts of things but as I reflect on the content, much of it filtered down to the relationships we have (or could potentially have) with others; both personally and professionally. We know the conversation is the relationship but I wonder whether people realise that the majority of conversations that hold any meaning are also about relationships in one guise or another. Go on – try it! The next time you engage in what you would consider a meaningful conversation, reflect on the content and it is my guess that much of it centred on some form of relationship with or about others.

The potential that bounces around Fierce®

There was much dialogue about the notion of ‘Fierce conversation’ and the potential that bounces around it. What if we had more of these conversations? What if we had them with particular people? What if we mastered them and could identify them from a distance? So very often, we notice that a conversation was powerful and created a positive outcome after the event, when the ‘outcome’ appeared and revealed itself. How could we make it so we fostered these conversations and they became ‘normal’? Are they already normal and we just needed to give them more status and value? If they became part of the everyday experience would they still warrant the title of ‘fierce’ because maybe these conversations would no longer be different?

No single conversation is guaranteed to change your life but one conversation could

It is useful to pause here and recognise that we must go back to the principles of ‘Fierce’ and remember that no single conversation is guaranteed to change your life but quite simply, one conversation could. The reason I felt compelled to write this was because I believe the conversation I have just had with my friend Cheryl may have done just that. As a result of that conversation, I am writing this. As a result of that conversation, I have a list of items in my head that I am working out how I should set about putting these into action. How? Who? When? Where? It goes on……And, as a result of completing these actions, there is a strong possibility that my life is going to change – for the better.

What makes a conversation 'Fierce'?

So, what makes a conversation ‘fierce’ and sets it apart from a good conversation? The short answer is – nothing. Fierce conversations are good conversations and they can come in many shapes and sizes. But I suppose it could be said that not all good conversations are fierce. For me, I think good conversations come naturally most of the time. I doubt if I would have written such a bold statement a year ago but the fierce conversations I have engaged in since have helped me to become more confident with identifying and recognising this. Moreover, it is that recognition that is as important as having such conversations in the first place.

This learning is a blessing

All of this learning has been a blessing and the mission begins to spread the idea of not only having these conversations but developing a deeper understanding about WHY this is so important. The truth about human nature is people want to know why – why have conversations about having better conversations? The debt I owe to individuals such as Susan Scott and Sarah Vogel is the realisation that we can and should be far more competently conscious about the power of conversations. The ‘why’ factor for me is about enriching relationships and generating positive life chances but I am sure there is a whole raft of ‘why’ factors out there and I sit and wonder what may be pertinent to others.

In some respect I come full circle to the Foreword written by Ken Blanchard in Fierce Conversations. It all just seems so obvious. We all have conversations and we have them all of the time; they are intrinsic to who we are. True. However, the difference lies in becoming conscious and generating awareness about the nature and power of those conversations. The company Fierce sets out to do this but I am also advocating that on a very individual level we should all be doing this. Surely then, conservations become vehicles to change our lives for the better – one conversation at a time.